new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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