Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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