i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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