You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
