is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
