Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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