The maid of honor just puked.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There r osticjed everywhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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