wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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