I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
