If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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