Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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