My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
