Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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