Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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