Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
