we have officially lost it.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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