Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
