guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
