I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
