I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
