used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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