Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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