she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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