Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
