drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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