I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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