Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...

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(315): View more from New York

at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.

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(858): View more from California

I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...

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(850): View more from Florida

He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"

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(254): View more from Texas

The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.

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(916): View more from California

I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.

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(607): View more from New York

No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling

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(785): View more from Kansas

I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.

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