I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
