I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
