Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
