Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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