Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The struggles of a small town man whore
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
