is your mom at the bar?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
