well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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