I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
