Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
