What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My dick has a subreddit
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
