Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
