yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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