Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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