Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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