I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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