How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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