Christians are straight up FREAKS
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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