Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
