Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
