maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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