So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
