I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
