There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
