I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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