ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
